Great Uncle Herman and Sammy

Great Uncle Herman and Sammy

“Tell us another story, Great Uncle Herman!” we all cried one night in January.
“All right,” said Great Uncle Herman; and he leaned back in his chair, folded his hands, and began.

“Well now, one cold day in December,” (for that was how he began all stories), “I was opening in the bathroom cabinet to look for my glasses, when I heard a small noise in the shower. I looked in, and what do you think I saw?”
“We can’t guess Uncle Herman! Tell us! Tell us!”
“It was a little elf, just learning how to snap his fingers. Not wanting to frighten the little fellow now, I stood there for some time watching him snap away. After a while, I said:
“Uh, hello sir.”
Well that little elf looked up real quick and said:
“Oh me!” and just like that, he tripped over the drain and fell flat on his stomach.
“Now you see here,” said Great Uncle Herman, “the bottom of that shower was mighty slippery, and as that little man tried to get up, he tripped again and went down the drain.
“Now I was still trying to make sense of all this, but I didn’t want the elf to drown, so I turned on the cold water to float him back up. As soon as the water began to flow down the drain, I heard a shrill cry of:
“Eeeeeyowee!!! That’s cold!”
“I was so startled to hear that, that I turned off the cold water and tried only hot instead. But that only produced another cry.
“Yaaaaa!! That’s hot!”
A little head popped up and then the whole figure appeared.
“Go away.” said the elf. “You’re no help at all. Who are you anyway?”
And I replied:
“I am Herman T. Sherman. And you are..?”
The elf stopped and wrung the water out of his checkered hat.
“I am Samuel The Kindest Of Poor Quiet Santa’s Workers, known to Santa as Sammy T.K.O.P.Q.S.W., and known to you, my dear Herman, as Sammy.
Well I was plumb tired out by this time, so I decided to go to bed, and asked Sammy if he would like to sleep on my pillow. But Sammy said:
“No, you snore. I’ll sleep on the soap dish.” And with one great leap, he jumped off the floor, landed on the soap dish, and fell asleep with his hat over his eyes.
I went to sleep on my bed, because it looked much more comfortable than the soap dish.
At exactly 5:00 the next morning, the elf hopped onto my pillow and called out:
“Wake uuup!! I’m rather hungry, and besides, it’s Christmas.”
“Well now when I heard that, I got up in a hurry and fixed myself a cup of coffee and sat down to consume it. While I was looking around the room at what the elf had done during the night, I heard another screech from Sammy.
“Help! I’m drowning!”
Sure enough, there in my coffee cup, clinging desperately to the edge, hung Sammy. I suppressed a chuckle and gently lifted the poor dripping creature out of my cup and carefully laid him on my napkin.
“I like coffee Mr. Herman, But not that much.
He then showed me what Santa had brought: A bicycle, and miniature sculpture of the Hoover Dam, and a small photograph of Sammy himself.
When I turned to thank Sammy, he was gone. And you know, I’ve never seen him since. But sometimes, I still think I see him wink at me on Christmas morning when I go to look under the tree.

Kaputzka

I can't say that this is completely finished yet, but I'm kind of running out of ideas.


Once upon a time, there was a Kaputzka. Now this Kaputzka was a very gangly creature. He loved eating tennis balls and nuts of a pinkish sort. His best friend was a Slyme, which usually is never described because those who try find it impossible. But the best efforts have described his as about nine inches tall, yellow, and spiny. The Kaputzka often wondered why it was called a Slyme. We now know that it was because of the noise he made when crawling up the wall. It was a bit of a smushy sound, as if one had just walked through a patch of moist socks.

When the Kaputzka and the Slyme first made each other’s acquaintance, it was not at all under pleasant circumstances. The Slyme, being yellow and curled up for sleep, strongly resembled a tennis ball, and seeing as he had not bathed in a week or two, he smelled like a tennis ball too. The Kaputzka took the Slyme in his mouth none too gently and crunched down hard. Fortunately for the Slyme, his spines served as a protection as well as a defense mechanism. The Kaputzka bit down and promptly began to camoil.

“EEENNNNIIIIAAAAAOOOK!”

The Slyme uncurled and wiggled out of Kaputzka’s mouth. He wiped the slime off his spines and glared at the Kaputzka.

“Eeew inak beirh theeeeiiiminameen!” He hollered.

The Kaputzka was scandalized.

“Dano kafinko malinke desrafall!” He hollered back.

And so it went, back and forth, until one or the other of them finally said “Pilaro Mylofarge?” in a tearful sort of way, and so they made up and became friends.